where have all the Noah's gone?

Last weekend we were able to go on a retreat up to the mountains. Janine had put together a weekend of discussion and reflection for the Kid's Club leaders, and offered us a time to get away together and discuss and strengthen our relationships with each other. It was a great time, to say the least. We had a lot of fun playing different games and challenged each other by sharing out hearts with each other. I found it to be a very encouraging time, a time that was put together well, and that allowed for freedom to pour ourselves out and soak in the goodness of Jesus Christ. I was glad that so many were able to make it up there and can't wait for another opportunity to do it again. The cabin was huge, too. Many rooms, many places to sleep, although the coffee maker was kind of lame...I guess I can live with that, though.

I think the last time I wrote we were still waiting for Brad, Traci and Joel to get home with the new additions to their family. Well, they are back with beautiful Jason and Jessica. We were able to go to the airport and meet them there, after a flight that was quite good considering that they were not able to all sit together and that they were traveling with three young children. It has been great to be able to see them adjusting as a family, to be a part of something similar to what we went through several months ago. Shirley has really taken to the babies quite well, always offering to go to B&T's house to help out. In fact, she was over there more than here for a few days. She has really enjoyed holding the babies and helping out. The boys have been a little more unaware, which is normal for kids of the age of Andres, Juan and Joel. They are certainly more interested in playing, and since Jason and Jessica cannot run back and forth, they are only peripherally interested right now. J & J have grown quite a bit already, and it has been fun to hear their little noises and see projectile spit-up and just to be around them. We are very glad to be a part of it and to have them all back.

So it sounds as if my time at IMFlash is coming to an end. At least my full time part of it all. I know that I will be back in limited form and function, but the ball is now rolling to figure out a system in which I will only be a visitor there instead of a regular. I have mixed feelings, to say the least. I have worked there roughly 19 months straight now, and have grown very accustomed to basically running my own show. As I set tools yesterday I was reminiscing about the days of running three crews and working 65 hours a week and how crazy it was. Now it is much slower, but in a good way. I have enjoyed the extra time with my family, being able to spend time with them, bonding more with the kids...it has been good. I am afraid that will come to an end when I go back to what I used to do. That bugs me. It is wintertime, however, and that usually leads to shorter hours in the field, but I am not really sure how that will all pan out. I am not even really sure when I will be taken out of full time work at IM at this point. I guess I will just keep going until they kick me out. It is odd to think that my 19 months there make up the majority of time that I have worked for Stantec. I have worked 19 of 31 months at IM. Crazy.

I have been thinking about holiness again recently. I can't help but to think that we often think of holiness as some sort of personal piety, some sort of inner thing that we strive for, that we are only responsible for on a singular, inward level. I can't help but to think that we strive for being "good" in our holiness, that we should attain certain levels of doing the right thing, of meeting a code of regulations or something. Even if we don't say that this is the way we think of things, I think that this is often how we live it out, and even more so, this is the bar that we set for others that we view and judge. I just don't think that this is a right idea of holiness at all. Holiness is not personal, it is not overtly concerned with "right" and "wrong" as we see it. It is not a level that we achieve by adhering to codes or creeds or by law. Holiness is a life that is wholly dependent upon Christ, a life that is concerned with otherness. The idea that we can do right or do wrong is something that is strong in our minds, but to simplify things to this level is creating a Pharisaical way of looking at holiness, as if we only need to avoid certain things and do other certain things to be what we should be. Our holiness does not evolve from an understanding of right and wrong, but from our understanding of love, forgiveness, grace, mercy. It comes from being wholly God's people, from our ability to interact with others as Christ would. Love, forgiveness, grace, mercy....can these be real if we are not able to exercise them in our interactions with others? Can they be a part of our inner being without being challenged by the ridiculous behavior and actions of others around us? Can we achieve wholeness in our personal piety? No. No. No.

The reality is that holiness has to be honed and made perfect in our interactions with others, not in doing "right" or "wrong" or by following tenets, but in our daily communion with the body of Christ, where it is made self evident whether or not we love our neighbors as ourselves. We can forever make up arbitrary rules according to our own likes and dislikes (in essence, our own likeness, replacing God with ourselves), but this only achieves established borders in which we boldly proclaim who is "in" and who is "out." But what if we didn't strive for our arbitrarily chosen "right" and "wrong"? What if we got past that to an actual striving for holiness, for wholeness among God's creation, including other people? What if we got past the idea of achievement or failure and simply rested wholly on Christ? Where would our inhibitions lie then? Would we be pressed into competitiveness with our friends? Our church members? Our co-workers? Ourselves? Or would we then be free to follow Christ?

I can hear responses now: we already do this...do we really need to forget right and wrong...I do lean wholly on Christ...
But I don't believe it. I believe we are inhibited by our fears of not being in control, of being somehow cast aside by a society (and, yes, I do mean our church(es), too) that proclaims a "right" and "wrong" way and that encourages us to simply be "good" in our actions, while not challenging us to live a life wholly given to Christ. We should work our jobs and pay our taxes practice our apologetics and go to another Bible study...which is all nice, unless the call of Christ is something different. We can live well, drive the speed limit, cast our votes based on one issue, go to church every Sunday, give money to the food bank...which is all nice, unless the call of Christ is something different. We can serve on the church board, make a cake for fellowship, sweep differences under the rug (ignore instead of confront our own inadequacies and prejudices), mow our lawns, save monies for retirement...which is all nice, unless the call of Christ is something different. And we may teach that holiness is wholly leaning on Christ, that it is obedience, faithfulness, of giving up ourselves...but what does it matter if we teach this when we live as thought holiness is a scale of "rights and wrongs" that can be easily read and we can quickly grade ourselves or others accordingly. Yes, read your Bible and pray every day, just like I learned when I was young, is something that is good, but if it leads to nothing then it is just ridiculous, it is just wasted time. That scale of holiness of church, bible study, service...is nothing if we are not changed, if we do not find ourselves being drawn to being made complete in Christ, that we are wholly relying upon Him for all things, that we are giving up our tendencies toward safety and the boundaries that we place that ensure that we are going to continue to feel safe. That is NOT HOLINESS! When we rest on ourselves and our comforts, we make ourselves God, which, if I am not mistaken, was a problem that troubled Lucifer and Adam and people constructing the tower of Babel. Where has Noah gone? Where is craziness? Where is the complete reliance upon God? Where is our obedience? Has it gone the way of the co-opted church that functions so much as an operative of this world that it has forgotten that it is supposed to be loyal to Christ and not to the things of this world?
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Let your mind be renewed. This is not a discourse on sin as a singular action or mistake we make in our lives. This is not, as we often think, a call that we should not live in the way that we have dictated by the imposing of our own will and likes and dislikes of how we should live (rights and wrongs), but a call to be in constant evaluation of the world, society, as it is. This is not "don't do this, do this," but rather a call to be obedient, a call to listen to Christ and to act accordingly! Are we called to disconnected lives that are deconstructed to a list of right and wrong or lives that are wholly dependent upon Christ? If you are wholly dependent, you will build an ark, you will be crazy. Don't be conformed. Be transformed.

I enjoy weekends.

catching up

So this week has been pretty good. I would have to say that it started off when our friends Josh and Becky came over to watch the kids last Saturday so Janine and I could get out and watch a movie. We had long been wanting to watch "Into the Wild" but really don't have the opportunity to just run out and do so like we used to. So on this occasion we were able to go. It was a really good movie, with amazing cinematography and an interesting commentary on the subject. I thought Sean Penn did a really good job with the film, and Emile Hursch did an amazing job as Chris McCandless. I would highly recommend watching the movie. It was also interesting to see my uncle Ken's name in the credits, and I heard that my cousin Travis' name was also involved, but I didn't see that. Travis did go to the premier in LA, though. Ahh, the life of a star...

On Monday we were able to get out and go to Wheeler Farm in the evening. We packed up the family, including our insane dog, and went over in the early evening for walking and hanging out. It was a great time, getting to see the kids get excited over the animals and to see them having fun just walking around and enjoying nature. Juancho had an "incident" with a bantam rooster there not too long ago. This rooster apparently got upset at Juancho and puffed himself up and went after Juan, pecking and intimidating. Andres suggested that Juan get in a tree where the "mean gallo" couldn't get him. This night, the suggestions were for Pakak to eat the mean gallo. We found it while walking around, but the bird retreated into a tree for the evening, so the boys were a little disappointed that Pakak did not feast on the bull bird of Wheeler Farm. It was a great night, though, very relaxing, very fun, and a nice time to get out of the house before winter comes in.

I took the next day off from work, trying to take advantage of Shirley's days off from school, and we decided to go to Antelope Island. We took the 45 minute drive to the stench covered State Park (there are dead brine shrimp that create quite an odor) and began our quest for wildlife. The boys are completely enamored with the idea of buffalo, partly because it is a magnificent beast, partly because of my tattoo (they always make the connection of Papi liking buffalo), and partly because they can stand next to the buffalo statue at the visitor's center. So we were able to spot about six buffalo right away, but that was about all we would see. We spent some time at the visitor's center and then drove to the ranch hoping to see more animals. We did see a coyote at the ranch, along with the usual ranch animals (chickens, horses), and Janine had a great spot of an owl sleeping in a tree. It was pretty cool (weather) there, so our snack time outside was somewhat limited by the chilly breeze. After a while on the ranch we decided it was time to start heading back. We were hungry for lunch and knew the boys needed to sleep. So we began our trek home, stopping at an IHOP for lunch. The kids all fell asleep on the way home, although they didn't stay asleep. The day was quite fun, and it was a wonderful break from our usual routines.

Right now we are awaiting the return/arrival of Brad, Traci, Joel and the new additions, twins Jason and Jessica. They have been in Indianapolis for the past 11 days in the process of adopting the twins. Things have gone well for them in their time there, as they have benefited from groups in the area who have helped them with meals and things. They got clearance yesterday to be able to return home to UT, so there is a chance they will come in today. We are excited and anxious to see them and to meet Jason and Jessica. Our kids love looking at the pictures that B&T have sent and will probably be doing backflips when they come home.

well, the kids are up and most likely getting hungry. I should probably go make pancakes before they riot. I hope all is well and that you all are enjoying the autumn days (my favorite).