Today we got our immunization shots for Colombia. It is one more step in preparation for going, and oddly enough, it is hitting me more and more how soon it will be that we will leave. I am anxious, to be honest, ready to go and yet not ready to go at the same time. I guess it is just a lot to take in to think that this life changing event will begin to take place with us leaving our place of familiarity and relative comfort. And I guess I could think that way, continue to think about how odd it will be to be somewhere where I don't really understand the language or the culture or how to order a cheeseburger. I could worry about my passport or my travel visa or our itinerary or bottled water. I could comment on how weird it will be to begin our lives with our kids in a place that some days already stresses me out. I could...
...but that would not be fair to the kids. I have to admit that in all the things that I think about, in my anxiety, in my anticipation for travel, etc., the kids will be going through so much more. And they are only eight and two and two. Everytime I begin to think of myself, my thoughts are turned to our children who wait, who hear about us, see our pictures, who have already lived enough life to be in a position to be adopted...so I can't even really worry about myself.
I can't wait to see them. I told you I was anxious. I don't even know what I will say, what I will do, how they will react, how we will react. Like I said before, everytime I try to imagine all I see is a blurry dream sequence like on television. . .and nothing in my mind. I have no idea.
I have memories of my parents from when I was young, things that come to me in the same form as my imagination manifests itself when thinking of the kids, and I love those memories. I guess I just want our kids to have those memories of us, blurry, fuzzy, like looking through an old coke bottle. But I will begin as a stranger, a chubby guy with a strange language and tattoos.
All this thinking about immunization shots.
18 days...
1 comment:
i saw in this movie once a guy running around in a 3rd world country buy a coke from a kid in a shack and the kid poored the coke into a plastic bag for the guy. not even a zip-lock. He put a straw in the bag of coke and handed it over to the guy running around. it was my favorite part of the movie. maybe this comment belongs in the movie review of some sorts blog.
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