Thursday, March 20, 2008
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Quick Update
So we went to Cancun. It was a good trip. We had fun seeing family, watching the kids play in the pool, and getting to the beach a little bit. I think that the kids had quite a bit of fun, although by the end of it all the boys were ready to come home and sleep in their own bed and play with their toys. They all did so well, though, on the flights, with the change of scenery...we really were please with how the kids behaved and how they reacted to being out of the normal schedule that we usually keep.
That said, it was good to get home, too. It is always kind of odd to get back into the swing of things upon returning home, especially (for me) with not really wanting to return to work. But we got back into things pretty much right away. Janine got everything washed and put away in a couple of days. It seemed like she just plowed through it, doing little of anything else for those two days. I am always thankful that she is dedicated to getting all that done immediately. Literally. We put the kids to bed the night we got back and she was already washing the first load of clothes. I am not wired that way, so it is good that she gets the job done. My bags would still be packed...
Everyone got back into the flow of things pretty well here. The boys were already looking forward to their normal highlights (MOPS, Sunday School with Miss Leanne, trying to steal Joel's toys, etc.) and Shirley was mobbed by her friends at school upon her return. Of course it was nice to see all our friends, too. That is always made nicer by the fact that our kids absolutely love all our friends. They get so excited when we have our small group or when we have Kids Club dinners...they are all very social.
Anyhow. This is not a terribly informative post, but I know I needed to at least put something here to keep some people posted. Do you all want a weather report? A work report?
Anyhow, I plan on writing more soon. I'm hungry.
That said, it was good to get home, too. It is always kind of odd to get back into the swing of things upon returning home, especially (for me) with not really wanting to return to work. But we got back into things pretty much right away. Janine got everything washed and put away in a couple of days. It seemed like she just plowed through it, doing little of anything else for those two days. I am always thankful that she is dedicated to getting all that done immediately. Literally. We put the kids to bed the night we got back and she was already washing the first load of clothes. I am not wired that way, so it is good that she gets the job done. My bags would still be packed...
Everyone got back into the flow of things pretty well here. The boys were already looking forward to their normal highlights (MOPS, Sunday School with Miss Leanne, trying to steal Joel's toys, etc.) and Shirley was mobbed by her friends at school upon her return. Of course it was nice to see all our friends, too. That is always made nicer by the fact that our kids absolutely love all our friends. They get so excited when we have our small group or when we have Kids Club dinners...they are all very social.
Anyhow. This is not a terribly informative post, but I know I needed to at least put something here to keep some people posted. Do you all want a weather report? A work report?
Anyhow, I plan on writing more soon. I'm hungry.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
one year
So, as of yesterday, it has been a year since we have had our kids. Yesterday we celebrated what is called "Gotcha" Day, and it is very difficult to believe that it has already been a year. I can't really tell if it seems like it has been longer or shorter with the kids, but I can honestly say that I can't really think of being without them now. While it was once difficult to imagine having three kids, it is now impossible to imagine not having these three wonderful kids.
So we went out for steak last night, which everyone thoroughly enjoyed. Janine had picked up little gifts for the kids and we had some celebratory cupcakes after our meal. It was quite fun to just go out and to be together on such a special day.
So we went out for steak last night, which everyone thoroughly enjoyed. Janine had picked up little gifts for the kids and we had some celebratory cupcakes after our meal. It was quite fun to just go out and to be together on such a special day.
Here are the kids dancing to Hammer's "U Can't Touch This."
So I have been quite sick for several days now. Whatever Janine had has hit me, too, and I have been feeling it. I have actually been able to be inside for the last couple of days of work, so that has been nice, but it still has not really helped me to heal. I most likely should have just stayed home for a couple more days this week, but I don't really like missing work for being sick. Anyhow, I got to move furniture around our office today and then spend some time bidding a small project at my old place of work (IMFT). I stayed home from kids club tonight, as I don't even really feel like talking. Fortunately the boys are playing nicely and have respected my wishes for quiter (although not toned down) playing. They are good kids.
Anyhow, I thought I would make mention of our one year anniversary with the kids. It has been incredible and we look forward to the upcoming year and getting to know and love them more and more.
Juan took a spill the other night. Notice the damage by his nose and the black eye.
He is okay. He's pretty tough.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
lean up from my easy chair, rub my three day beard
Well, it finally caught me. Janine has been sick for several days now, fighting what seems to be the longest running cold that she has had in some time. I, up until last night, had been fine. It was good in that I was able to help her out with things around the house and with the kids, even staying home one day last week while she spent most of the day just resting, allowing her body to fight off whatever it is that has decided to reside inside us. Anyhow, she has periodically been feeling better, getting better rest, a little more energy, and, bit by bit, healing. So last night, after a great chicken taco dinner over at B, T, 3xJ's house, I began to feel run down, and my throat began to have the slightest dull irritation.
So we finished visiting and came home to put the kids to bed. That was a challenge in itself, as I must have done battle with Juan for 10 minutes in the bathroom over brushing his teeth. He had not been feeling well earlier in the day and it seemed like this was residual effect from him being worn out himself. Anyhow, all turned out okay, and after our little struggle, he ended up laying on my chest and letting me rub his back for five minutes (good Juancho time for me:)). So after the kids were in bed, settling down for sleep, I began to feel the aches in my joints and the irritation in my throat becoming more and more prominent. Janine suggested I pop a couple of Motrin for the aches (who would know better than the one who has been battling the bug for days). Sleep came easy, and when I woke this morning I even thought I could muster the energy to go to work. I started my coffee at about 5:50 and by 6:00 I felt crappy enough to call in. So I am home. I am glad I didn't push through and go to work, as my body feels like a steamroller ran over me. Anyhow, it is nice to rest, and now Janine and the boys have gone to MOPS and Shirley is at school. I will settle down with hot tea and a book and try to not move for the next two hours. . .
* a note on Juan and me and our struggle with the teeth last night: Janine spends so much more time with the boys that it is often times their tendency to want to let her help them with all the things they need help with. Andres is a little more flexible, but I am beginning to realize that both boys need advance notice if it is not going to be Janine helping them with teeth, potty, food, etc. As we approach our one year anniversary with the kids, I sometimes still feel very lost with them, although I continue to learn. There really is no system to follow, no laid out plans of how to do it all, but it has pushed me to grow and face my own selfishness quite a bit. I love all the kids so much and have so much fun with them; it is amazing how they can have you at wits end one minute (last night with bushing the teeth) and then have you as putty in their hand the next (immediately following as Juancho laid on my chest for the longest extended hug I have ever had with him).
* another note: Andres told me he was sorry today as I was loading him in the van to go to MOPS.
"Andres, why are you sorry?"
"Sorry por que you are sick."
The kids are all very compassionate, and it is refreshing to me as Papi and a reminder of Christ's compassion for all of us.
Tea...book...recliner...
So we finished visiting and came home to put the kids to bed. That was a challenge in itself, as I must have done battle with Juan for 10 minutes in the bathroom over brushing his teeth. He had not been feeling well earlier in the day and it seemed like this was residual effect from him being worn out himself. Anyhow, all turned out okay, and after our little struggle, he ended up laying on my chest and letting me rub his back for five minutes (good Juancho time for me:)). So after the kids were in bed, settling down for sleep, I began to feel the aches in my joints and the irritation in my throat becoming more and more prominent. Janine suggested I pop a couple of Motrin for the aches (who would know better than the one who has been battling the bug for days). Sleep came easy, and when I woke this morning I even thought I could muster the energy to go to work. I started my coffee at about 5:50 and by 6:00 I felt crappy enough to call in. So I am home. I am glad I didn't push through and go to work, as my body feels like a steamroller ran over me. Anyhow, it is nice to rest, and now Janine and the boys have gone to MOPS and Shirley is at school. I will settle down with hot tea and a book and try to not move for the next two hours. . .
* a note on Juan and me and our struggle with the teeth last night: Janine spends so much more time with the boys that it is often times their tendency to want to let her help them with all the things they need help with. Andres is a little more flexible, but I am beginning to realize that both boys need advance notice if it is not going to be Janine helping them with teeth, potty, food, etc. As we approach our one year anniversary with the kids, I sometimes still feel very lost with them, although I continue to learn. There really is no system to follow, no laid out plans of how to do it all, but it has pushed me to grow and face my own selfishness quite a bit. I love all the kids so much and have so much fun with them; it is amazing how they can have you at wits end one minute (last night with bushing the teeth) and then have you as putty in their hand the next (immediately following as Juancho laid on my chest for the longest extended hug I have ever had with him).
* another note: Andres told me he was sorry today as I was loading him in the van to go to MOPS.
"Andres, why are you sorry?"
"Sorry por que you are sick."
The kids are all very compassionate, and it is refreshing to me as Papi and a reminder of Christ's compassion for all of us.
Tea...book...recliner...
Monday, January 21, 2008
the avalanche
It wasn’t too long ago, during a Sunday School class, that I was asked to meditate, to reflect upon times in which I had felt closest to God, a time or times in which the presence of God was undeniable, that God’s influence was unmistakable, obvious, and over-powering. We spent several minutes in quiet meditation in an overly warm room, trying to ignore the slight noises made by our annoyed bellies or the random sounds coming from the parking lots and concrete roadways that surrounded our building. I assumed that the others in the room were drifting off to a place that they remembered vividly, that struck them in such a way that they could instantaneously revert back to a time and a place, a day and an age, a feeling, a solid moment, a warm memory that was not bound by time, but that lived quite fervently within their heart and soul.
I imagined that, and had the time to do so, because I would not imagine anything for myself. My mind, though not empty, was not being filled with such moments or memories. I tried with great might to remember such a time and to meditate on it, but the reality was, as a computer searching for information that is not there, my mind churned, lights blinked, and I came up empty handed, or more truly, empty minded.
So I thought about other things: I should have eaten more this morning
I should have made more coffee
I don’t remember anything about the book
Does my breath stink?
Oregon sounds nice right now
Don’t fall asleep…don’t fall asleep
And so on and so forth.
So after several minutes of failing to achieve the goal that was set before me, I began to think of how my mind could not settle down and how I needed more time to meditate. I clearly needed at least 30 minutes to relax, after good coffee and with a bathroom break, to clear my mind of family, work, books, sports, and a variety of other things that clouded my meditation period. I anticipated being done soon and felt somewhat embarrassed by the fact that I had thought of exactly nothing in regard to the subject.
And then it hit me.
The fleeting, dream-like sequence, visions that I had, without a definitive memory or reflection upon which to rest was for reasons beyond my inability to concentrate completely at any given time. The fast-forward, reverse, stop-motion pictures that I saw as I searched were the manifestations of my final vision: God is like an avalanche.
So in the moment in which the facilitator of our class called us out of our meditative state, I finally and clearly saw that the blur of memories and moments that failed to settle were the direct result of being caught up in God as the avalanche.
God is like an avalanche in such a way that there is absolutely unmistakable power within the avalanche. I remember many times in which there were short instances of clarity, of revelations that were much larger than books and sermons and even the Bible in itself. I remember moments of intense blindness, too, carried under powerful waves of snow, blankets that smothered and crushed, as I would try to fight against such power, with little success. I know I tried to gain my footing time and time again, grasping for control in the midst of something that engulfed my total being, that carried me far from where I was when our paths “coincided” to a place that was barely recognizable to myself.
The avalanche comes, all power, and we are caught up, with no control of destiny, with no control of ourselves, as we desperately grasp for those things that we hold dear, only to find that we are not in control of those, either. We try to dictate where we are going, but we only realize that we rarely know where we are even in a present tense to decide where it is that we will go. We see glimpses of our trail, as we are toppled and tossed over and over, periodically catching sight of our path as the avalanche brings us to the surface to see the mountains and trees as they disappear as rapidly as they appeared in the first place. But just as soon as we catch ourselves in a position to state with confidence where we are, who we are, and our present purpose, we find ourselves in the midst of being forced under again, gasping for air, wondering how we have traveled from memory to memory, from clarity to blur to clarity, from revelation to revelation. What we realize is that we have not seen the path, we have not seen our repeated dying to ourselves, being forced under, crushed by the power of the ultimate. We have not seen the turns and the change of topography, the distance traveled that has brought us to a place that we briefly encounter, only to be carried off again. And each time we crest, we are far removed from the last place, over and over again. And each time we are carried under, smothered, crushed, bruised, we are changed, formed into an image that is our new self, far removed from our old self, a new birth, a baptism, in the purity of God as an avalanche.
God as avalanche, carries us in such a way that we are never the same, that it is impossible to be left unchanged, impossible to not be taken up in the might of the avalanche, reformed through the molding of the avalanche. We have no idea where it will take us, how it will form us, and we are powerless against it. When we are hit by the avalanche that is God, there is no mistake. And we have no idea what is happening as we are carried, as we are baptized; we only catch glimpses of our journey in moments, in visions of clarity, in revelation.
And I say, “But God, I wanted to be over on that peak.”
“No, my child, you are in this valley.”
“Tomorrow can we go to that peak?”
“You will go where I take you.”
And just like that the avalanche begins again, with a roar of powder and powerful thrusts of snow and ice, and we ride, knowing, understanding that what we are caught up in is not safe, not very comfortable, not catering to our desires, but that it will take us where it wants us.
The avalanche is absolutely beautiful. And it is absolutely dangerous. I only hope that I find myself in the midst of it, letting go of all thought of control, and resting in its immensity.
I imagined that, and had the time to do so, because I would not imagine anything for myself. My mind, though not empty, was not being filled with such moments or memories. I tried with great might to remember such a time and to meditate on it, but the reality was, as a computer searching for information that is not there, my mind churned, lights blinked, and I came up empty handed, or more truly, empty minded.
So I thought about other things: I should have eaten more this morning
I should have made more coffee
I don’t remember anything about the book
Does my breath stink?
Oregon sounds nice right now
Don’t fall asleep…don’t fall asleep
And so on and so forth.
So after several minutes of failing to achieve the goal that was set before me, I began to think of how my mind could not settle down and how I needed more time to meditate. I clearly needed at least 30 minutes to relax, after good coffee and with a bathroom break, to clear my mind of family, work, books, sports, and a variety of other things that clouded my meditation period. I anticipated being done soon and felt somewhat embarrassed by the fact that I had thought of exactly nothing in regard to the subject.
And then it hit me.
The fleeting, dream-like sequence, visions that I had, without a definitive memory or reflection upon which to rest was for reasons beyond my inability to concentrate completely at any given time. The fast-forward, reverse, stop-motion pictures that I saw as I searched were the manifestations of my final vision: God is like an avalanche.
So in the moment in which the facilitator of our class called us out of our meditative state, I finally and clearly saw that the blur of memories and moments that failed to settle were the direct result of being caught up in God as the avalanche.
God is like an avalanche in such a way that there is absolutely unmistakable power within the avalanche. I remember many times in which there were short instances of clarity, of revelations that were much larger than books and sermons and even the Bible in itself. I remember moments of intense blindness, too, carried under powerful waves of snow, blankets that smothered and crushed, as I would try to fight against such power, with little success. I know I tried to gain my footing time and time again, grasping for control in the midst of something that engulfed my total being, that carried me far from where I was when our paths “coincided” to a place that was barely recognizable to myself.
The avalanche comes, all power, and we are caught up, with no control of destiny, with no control of ourselves, as we desperately grasp for those things that we hold dear, only to find that we are not in control of those, either. We try to dictate where we are going, but we only realize that we rarely know where we are even in a present tense to decide where it is that we will go. We see glimpses of our trail, as we are toppled and tossed over and over, periodically catching sight of our path as the avalanche brings us to the surface to see the mountains and trees as they disappear as rapidly as they appeared in the first place. But just as soon as we catch ourselves in a position to state with confidence where we are, who we are, and our present purpose, we find ourselves in the midst of being forced under again, gasping for air, wondering how we have traveled from memory to memory, from clarity to blur to clarity, from revelation to revelation. What we realize is that we have not seen the path, we have not seen our repeated dying to ourselves, being forced under, crushed by the power of the ultimate. We have not seen the turns and the change of topography, the distance traveled that has brought us to a place that we briefly encounter, only to be carried off again. And each time we crest, we are far removed from the last place, over and over again. And each time we are carried under, smothered, crushed, bruised, we are changed, formed into an image that is our new self, far removed from our old self, a new birth, a baptism, in the purity of God as an avalanche.
God as avalanche, carries us in such a way that we are never the same, that it is impossible to be left unchanged, impossible to not be taken up in the might of the avalanche, reformed through the molding of the avalanche. We have no idea where it will take us, how it will form us, and we are powerless against it. When we are hit by the avalanche that is God, there is no mistake. And we have no idea what is happening as we are carried, as we are baptized; we only catch glimpses of our journey in moments, in visions of clarity, in revelation.
And I say, “But God, I wanted to be over on that peak.”
“No, my child, you are in this valley.”
“Tomorrow can we go to that peak?”
“You will go where I take you.”
And just like that the avalanche begins again, with a roar of powder and powerful thrusts of snow and ice, and we ride, knowing, understanding that what we are caught up in is not safe, not very comfortable, not catering to our desires, but that it will take us where it wants us.
The avalanche is absolutely beautiful. And it is absolutely dangerous. I only hope that I find myself in the midst of it, letting go of all thought of control, and resting in its immensity.
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